Although it’s a common misconception that money and sex are the main sources of marital troubles, these aren’t the only factors that can make or destroy a committed partnership. A variety of toxic relationships, destructive actions, and misplaced priorities can make the difference between success and failure.
John Gottman, a clinical psychologist, has conducted significant research on marriage and has identified four warning signs of unhappy marriages that he refers to as the Four Horsemen. “These consist of disapproval, disdain, resistance, and defensiveness,” says Sara Miller, the proprietor of Confluent Relationship Therapy in Chicago. “These are relationship-dynamic behaviours that are harmful over time.”
John Gottman, a clinical psychologist, has conducted significant research on marriage and has identified four warning signs of unhappy marriages that he refers to as the Four Horsemen. “These consist of disapproval, disdain, resistance, and defensiveness,” says Sara Miller, the proprietor of Confluent Relationship Therapy in Chicago. “These are relationship-dynamic behaviours that are harmful over time.”
The fact that partnerships suffer from poor communication will come as no surprise to anyone. It is difficult, if not impossible, to establish a connection when one or both partners in a partnership feel ignored, denigrated, or excluded.
In marriage, unhealthy communication can take many different forms. It may appear as though you’re unable to communicate your true feelings to your partner in certain situations. Eventually, this may cause erratic feelings. According to Miller, “small issues turn into suppressed, bottled-up emotions that boil over into explosive conflict when not expected” when feelings are not regularly expressed.
Ineffective communication can sometimes appear as unfair combat. Miller claims that as matters grow heated, spouses frequently become passive-aggressive, stonewall each other, and start talking too brutally.
It is not necessary to be an expert communicator to solve this issue. You can go from yelling or stonewalling to communicating quietly and effectively with a few simple techniques. Miller suggests that you start by identifying a trait or aspect of your partner that you can relate to or validate. Put differently, attempt to understand things from their viewpoint. Even if you wouldn’t be upset, furious, or frustrated by a circumstance, maybe you could see why someone would be.
Furthermore, make sure you’re actually listening to your spouse and not just speaking when it’s your turn. According to Miller, “active listening techniques can be helpful in this area, such as reflecting to the partner the topic of the conversation so they feel heard.” “Partners should take a brief break from a heated discussion if it is becoming too intense for them to respect one another and maintain their physiological equilibrium.”
Setting boundaries is essential, according to Dr. Tzall, to safeguard your marriage from excessive outside influence. “Open and honest conversation with your partner is the first step. Talk about your respective feelings regarding the involvement of outsiders and the boundaries you’d like to set. Clearly state the roles and limits you wish to establish about outside parties.
Next, let the “influencer” know that you and your spouse are the only people in your marriage. Tzall advises, “Explain that although you value their opinions, you and your spouse should make the final decisions regarding your relationship.”
Credit-John Gottman, a clinical psychologist
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